There are 2 other ways that I’m challenged by this idea to “write a better story” besides as a dad. (uploaded to flickr by geishaboy500)

Over the past year I’ve heard Reggie Joiner speak a few times about the importance of “writing a better story”–a concept Donald Miller shares in “Blue Like Jazz”. This whole idea has really stuck with me, and the more I think about it, the more I’m challenged by its implications.

You’ve likely heard the statistics around the number of students walking away from their faith both during and after high school. More is being written everyday on the subject. The more I reflect on what I see in the lives of students, the more I’m convinced the issue often boils down to one major thing: Most of the adults students know who have chosen to follow Jesus live boring lives, so why would they feel compelled to do the same? The story of the lives of the average Christ follower they see are predictable, safe, and overall, boring.

This challenges me in 3 ways. I’ll share the first way today.

1) As a dad

When I look at my life, does it tell a story of an exciting journey with Christ that is so compelling that my sons couldn’t think of doing anything else with their lives? Is there adventure, risk, deep relationship, and real evidence of God at work?

Have you read or heard anything about this concept of “writing a better story” for the generation watching what we do even more than listening to what we say? What books, articles or thoughts around this idea have stuck with you? Check back Friday for more on how this plays out as a leader. (flickr photo by jm3)

For many leaders moving to an Orange approach means navigating change. Talking to Family Ministry leaders, I think that there are some simple, practical changes you can make that get you further faster in shifting to ORANGE. Over the summer, here are three practical steps you could take to catalyze a shift to a more Orange strategy in your family ministry by the Fall.

1. Combine Your Financial Resources

What does your budget say about the priority of an Orange strategy in your church? What would it do for the alignment of your ministry if your volunteer appreciation budget was shared across Family Ministry? What would it do for your working relationship with your Children’s Ministry Director and your passion for children’s ministry if you decided to share your student ministry video budget, event budget, or intern budget? What signal would it send to your lead pastor or your parents if you decided to propose an Orange approach with an Orange budget behind it? Nothing gets people sitting at the same table faster than money.

2. Synchronize your vocabulary

We often think of our family ministries as multiple departments or separate ministries, but parents experience these as a family. The use of common vocabulary for the common experiences across your family ministry helps parents understand the strategy. In what areas of your family ministry can you synchronize your vocabulary? Does your lack of synchronized vocabulary reflect a lack of sitting around the same table, working together?

3. Clarify the Win with Parents

This one sounds easy at first, but it takes some real soul searching. As a family ministry, if you had one thing you could say to parents what would it be? From toddlers to students, what is the win for parents? How are you doing on communicating that win to families?

Do you have other things you’ve done to shift to a more Orange approach that you want to share with other leaders?

If you’re a student ministry leader, you’ll want to check out a special networking night at the Orange Conference this year.

As we continue to work at partnering with parents in student ministry, we’ve made them 3 promises:

1) We won’t ask you to listen unless we have something to say
We recognize our parents are busy people. If it’s straight information, we try to keep it to paper and email, and we keep it short. We only send an update when we feel we have something that would be important for parents to know. If it’s strategy, or vision casting, we ask our parents to get in a room only for as long as it takes to communicate—even 20 minutes after a service. We’re learning that if parents see we won’t waste their time, they’re more likely to listen.

2) We will be organized
Stereotypically student ministry leaders are not organized. There are lots of different reasons why our ministries tend to struggle to be organized, but we need to overcome them. If parents are willing to trust us with their son or daughter’s heart in a small group setting, or let us transport their “precious cargo” on retreats and trips, we need to prove that we are “on the ball”. The #1 way to do this is to have a track record of being organized. To a certain degree, organization builds trust.

3) We will do our best to provide your student with:

- An adult leader invested in the life of your child saying the same thing a good parent would say
- A group of spiritually challenging peers running in the same direction

Small groups are at the heart of our church from ages 0-99, so we do our best to provide a safe, consistent small group experience for every student who wants one.

What are some of the promises you’ve made to the parents of your students? How have those promises helped your ministry?

When it comes to parenting teenagers, I think “awkward” is one of the best descriptors. In fact, I think many parents give up on trying to engage spiritually with their teenager because of this exact feeling—it just feels weird. As parents, it can feel weird to pray with their teenager, unnatural to ask them what they think God thinks, awkward to tell them how they see God working in them and how proud they are.

When it comes to partnering with parents, I think a big part of our job in student ministry is to give parents the courage to do the awkward things.

Somewhere between grade 6 and grade 9, as students begin to process a personal faith, parents move from CEOs to advisors, from directors to influencers, and initiating spiritual interaction or experiences doesn’t feel right—it feels “weird”. However, I feel it’s the stage when their child needs them to open up spiritually more than ever. I’ve rarely heard an adult say, “I wish my parent never prayed with me as a teenager” or “I hated it when my dad told me how he saw God working in me” or “It really turned me off when my mom was authentic and transparent about her faith journey”.

I think that awkward moments are often the most spiritual moments of all.

A few days ago I gathered a bunch of students and their parents for a final night prior to a student compassion trip. I asked the students to sit with their parents and share a visual exercise we’d done that explained their fears about the trip, and their hopes and dreams of what God might do in their life. The students thought it might be awkward, but did it. Then I asked the parents to say whatever they wanted to say to their teenager and then pray for them. For some it was the first time they’d prayed with their teenager in years, for others the first time in months they’d sat eye to eye and encouraged their teenager’s spiritual steps—awkward. The result, parents blessed their children and prayed for them through tears of joy, students prayed for their parents—many for the first time. What was awkward became a powerful moment. God was up to something, and there was nothing awkward about that.

What are some ideas you might have of how to help parents engage in the “awkward” spiritual experiences with their child? When do you think this spiritually awkward stage begins and how can we prepare parents and students for it?

When it comes to partnering with parents, as student ministries there are a number of ways we can end up wasting our time. We can waste our time in
1. how we communicate and
2. what we say to our parents.

One of the things we’re learning is that information often gets tuned out, but strategy gets tuned in.

When it comes to their kids, parents are constantly bombarded with information. School newsletters, basketball team schedules, band trip instructions, report cards, permission forms etc. The mountain of information is overwhelming. There is nothing compelling or inspiring about the information parents get and so generally, overwhelmed parents tend to tune out as much of the information as they can unless they have to pay attention.

So why in an attempt to partner with parents, do student ministries waste time by just adding to the mountain of information parents receive? More and more I’m talking to student ministry leaders who, in addition to a schedule, have created series outlines, podcasts, videos, and discussion questions on the current series,  a newsletter, or a daily updated blog. The frustration we feel: the vast majority of parents never access this information. What we’re realizing is that this information often is not utilized and, quite frankly, just gets tuned out (no matter how cool my new series is!).

Strategy, however, tends to get tuned in.

• Talk to a parent about who their child could “be” and how you want to get them there and they’ll listen.
• Talk to a parent about how your church is dreaming about ways that parents can make a difference in the life of their child in easy ways and they will want to know more.

Too much information often discourages today’s parent because it is all about what they should know that they don’t, and what their child should be doing that they aren’t. Chances are they already feel like a bad parent. Now they feel worse. No matter what information you shared, it’s the feelings that stick.

• Strategy, however, encourages people to dream about who their child could be and how they could get there with your help.
• Strategy is about a plan and a vision for their family.
• Strategy is about what we’re doing together and a clear plan to get us there.

Once the strategy is made clear and repeated often, the information becomes much more compelling. Do you relate to anything said here? What ideas do you have around communicating a compelling strategy? Are you resonating with parents or getting tuned out?